Cousin Roy

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“My cousin Roy Foster Jr was the kind of guy that could turn a simple sowing of oats into an accidental burning of bridges but  the chubby, balding, almost forty year old man was the only family I had left. I am not one to believe in a benevolent higher power but, if there is a God that looks out for idiots and small children, Roy must keep him very, very busy”. – Brian Foster

“I work at a hellhole, they’re all idiots. The girls are skanks. The other bartenders are losers, and the only good thing about the boss is that she pays me under the table. None of that Social Security bullshit.” -Cousin Roy